You know what I hate about you?

"You" being a very broad spectrum of people..
but I do feel a rant coming on.

I hate that you fucking talk too much..you are so bloody fucking self centered and self righteous..and why???? You are an overweight piece of shit. If I have to listen to one more story about your lemon cheesecake and how it was a "hit" at last years "social"...I'll kill you..and burn your mother fucking recipe.

And why the hell are you so sensitive..How fucking annoying are you???? Hurting your feelings is like shooting fish in a barrel. I bet reading this hurt your feelings didn't go. Go cry a river, and drown yourself in it.

I hate your nose, your big ginormous..huge flaring omfg nostril nose.


And you.. oh you..who can type 60WPM..but can't seem to have the time to message back. How about this..how about I come over there..and take your fucking keyboard and smash that smile off your stupid know it all face..then I'll make Spaghetti in your kitchen and NOT clean up after myself.

I hate that you had to think 3 months..before deciding to get a blender. THREE FUCKING MONTHS. ...good luck getting a girlfriend..let alone laid.

And finally you... Stop trying to kill yourself, you're too much of a loser to succeed.

Stupid Fucking Pussy

On days like today..when I am completely bitchy ( More so than the usual and trust me..that's a whole fucking lot.) My cat really really pisses me off.

She is the biggest cunt..wrapped up in the tiniest furry package ever..and on days like today I hate her.

So I daydream about the possible ways she could meet her ultimate doom.

The first that comes to mind is pretty mild..
Simply just quietly sneaking up behind her with a pillow case scooping her up..going outside..and doing a couple really nice big lasso swings..shouting "hee fucking haw" on the top of my lungs..and letting her fly.

Or perhaps a more creative approach..
hog tieing her paws together, and then attaching a hefty garbage bag ( Heavy duty) to them all parachute style..and giving her the ole heave ho off the roof..and letting God take care of the rest.

She's pretty small..so I *might* be able to flush her down the toilet like a dead pet fish or hamster.

Or I can just "accidentally" throw her out with the next garbage day.( Or is she recyclable?)

Also a thought..I could sprinkle her with garlic and other random tasty spices..and leave her at Ming's Chinese Food ..I'm sure they would take her.

Exchanging her with my friends pet hamster has come to mind on a few occasions..
Just shoving her the fuck in the cage...Grabbing the hamster and pretending like nothing happened. ( Hamster will later be flushed)

Microwave..washing maching..dryer..food processor..buying a big hungry dog...

Oh the possibilities are endless.

But later I remember that although she is the biggest most annoying cunt ever..
What else could I expect..with me as her owner?

Ap's Likes.

1. The word "Epic"

2. Edward Cullen ( because he's cold like me)

3. Melons. ( Take that as you will )

4. Black men ( HUGE fucking ..brains)

5. Asian men ( Cause small cocks need love too)

6. Blondes..who doesn't?

7. The phrase "I'm gunna busta cap in yo ass"

8. Karma , because its a bitch and so am I.

9. Sticking a piece of tape to a cat's foot.

10. Taking a shit while masturbating ( Kill two birds with one stone)

11. Chubbies thread on 4Chan.

12. Bachelor Frog

13. Naive People ( Especially when they happen to be drinking Evian)

14. Getting a kit cat, and not sharing it with anyone

15. Power Rangers

16. Standing next to my b/f when he is on the phone with work..Letting one massive fart rip..and then exclaiming.. "Oh that's SO gross,Fuck! Excuse yourself!" before he can say anything.

17. Texting random numbers to ask people their advice on which cereal I should get.

18. Excepting all friend requests on Facebook, just to delete them 2 hours later. ( WAC)

19. Roses

20. Impromptu Gangbangs

Your call is important to us..

Waiting on hold is one of the most annoying fucking things in the world. period.
As if wasting 20 mins of my fucking day with the phone pressed up against my ear..just to tell Shaw they have once again charged me for 3 Adult movies..when I clearly only ordered 2..isn't bad enough..but then you have to deal with the elevator music..interrupted every two mins..by some repetitive overly happy broad telling me that my call is important to them..and I MUST remain on the line to INSURE I wont lose my place.

Well FUCK YOU..If my call was REALLY important to you ... you would shut the fuck up..and play Top 40s. Are we really stupid enough that we need to be told to remain on the line? Isn't that part obvious? oh Fuck..you mean if I hang up now..I wont be able to talk to someone.. really? fuck you.

By the time someone actually answers the call..I'm usually completely oblivious that I have the phone to my ear..because Ive been waiting so fucking long and have zoned out entirely to Whitney Houston's "I will Always love you."

On a good day if I can quickly clear my head and remember what the fuck I called about, it is almost assumed that it is going to be some Asian Chick or Some East Indian Jerk off..that I can't understand. Apparently it's racist to ask to speak to someone who speaks real English..You know the "fancy kind" that I can actually fucking understand.

So basically waiting in any aspect for anything at all..SUCKS.
Anything that was "worth the wait" would be just as great if I got it when I fucking wanted it.
Which I should
Because I'm a Princess.
nuff said.

I'll admit it I act like I'm 5 the majority of the time.
I slam doors, Don't share my toys, Talk way too much, pout when I don't get my way, Fuck I even wear my hair in pigtails..and above all else I don't play well with others.

And if you don't fucking like it. I'll just take my ball and go home.

Things I Hate (Part One)

1. Ants - Who fucking cares if they can lift 100 times their body weight. Hellllo people!? That's still very fucking unimpressive!!!

2.Double Penetration Porn

3. Huge Brown Nipples- National Geographic Style

4. Tuesdays- ( Because who fucking likes them?)

5. Pubic Hair- Nothing like finding a random one in your mouth!

6. Men who buy cars to compensate for their own lack of self worth.

7. Pineapples- I disagree about them being a food..obviously from the looks of them, they do NOT want to be fucking cut open and eaten.

8. Hedgehogs- Because they're just dangerous Hamsters

9. Hearing someone take a shit in a public washroom - What happened to courtesy flushing ffs?

10. Bambi- You're a DEER..your MOM was a deer. Hence why she was taken out in a bloody mess by a hunter. Get over it,grow a pair and stop talking to rabbits.

11. Valentine's Day- the urge to love is overwhelmingly annoying as fuck.

12. Cats- Specifically when they get shit stuck to their fur and drag it on the floor.

13. Fart Jokes

14. Positive Personalitys- Because they drag me up

15. Skinny Jeans- Worn by fat hoes. Accentuates the Gunt.

16. Mr. Clean- No one tells me how to clean my fucking floors

17. Chuck Norris- Hey asshole..the world actually revolves around me

18. Long Hair- Cut it bitch, you look like a horse

19. M&M's- Smarties retarded younger brother

20. Sushi- Because it's RAW people. NO different than taking a cow..chopping it up..wrapping it in some hay and going to town. Sick Japanese fucks.

You are SO beautiful on the inside. ( Means you have a fugly face)

I hate how we live in a society where people think that they have to be nice to women, just because they're fat

Fuck that shit.

I've said before and I'll say it again. If you're a CUNT..I don't care if you are 100 pounds..or 500 pounds..I will treat you like a fucking CUNT. ( There is just more of you to treat, that's all)

Don't get me wrong I get it..you're pissed that you're fat. Not only is your food bill a hell of a lot higher then mine ((duh)) ..but you also use more body wash, more toilet paper and more makeup. So it's alright for you to be a touch bitter.

But if you are going to spend your day acting like a dirty C, don't expect me to be all kind and caring towards you just because your pants size is a 35..got it?

And while you're at it stop staring me down like a fucking KFC drumstick.
( Even though I definitely am ...finger lickin good.)

Ya know what really grinds my gears???

Wireless Wankers

In AP terms, that is anyone who password protects their router.
Seriously? FUCK YOU. IF I want to steal your wireless to look at golden shower porn on a Thursday afternoon, then I fucking will.


Shopping Line Shuffle. ( Annoying past time for people of all ages!)

The average person will spend 2 to 3 mother fucking boring ass years waiting in line.
And you all are just making it worse.. why??? Because you keep changing LINES.
Just fucking wait.. the amount of time you spend changing lines not only is going to save you a year or so..but it will also keep you from looking like a fucking retard.

Unnecessary Abbreviations ( aka UA )

My newest annoyance is "ily" ...
Abbreviated form of "I love you"
ARE YOU FUCKING JOKING??????
People really are saying "Ily hun <3 "
Next will be "HHAY?" [Hi, how are you] and "WAC" [ What a cunt] ( Dibs on that one.)
In retrospect I don't love anyone ( Except Gordon Ramsey) so "ily" really doesn't apply to me...but OMFG!

Flatulent Behaviour

When did farting become so in?
It is not or ever will be cool to fart on my fucking bed!! I do not want your ass juice in the same vicinity as I lay my precious head..got it? and fuck..do not let one rip while we're having sushi together..that fucking dead shit smells bad enough on it's own.

A look at AP.

Ready for some hard truth twisting questions?
Bring it.


What was the longest time you've liked someone?
Define "Like" ..


Will this weekend be a good one?
Plans include : Bitching out my next door neighbour for playing Cher at 8am, Honking at random people on the highway and Pacman. So yes, definitely.

The last person that made you angry, did you tell them?
O_o >> What do you fucking think?

Is it hard to make you laugh?
God No. I have a lot of opportunity to laugh at the misfortune of a lot of people on a daily basis. It's a gift, really

Is there a guy that knows a lot about you?
There are A LOT of guys that THINK they know A LOT about me. NEWS FLASH: Knowing I'm gorgeous doesn't count asshole.

Do you have make-up on?
I'm a Princess ffs.

What's something your starting to realize?
Survival of the fittest means you just have to outrun your fat friend.

Are you the type of person who seeks out revenge?
I'm the type of person that makes revenge easy to seek out.

Do you have condoms in your room?
If "room" means every drawer in my house including one under the soap dish in the bathroom. Yes.

Have you ever kissed someone who's name started with N?
Yes my first black lover.

Have you argued with anyone in the past 24 hours?
I called my Mom a cunt for having me...but it wasn't an argument..she agreed that my statement was a valid one.

Last person to take off your shirt other than yourself?
My family doctor. I said if he wanted to give me a Breast Exam he was damn well going to do all the work. It was nice we went to dinner after.

Are you crushing on someone?
2 guys, 5 girls and a Horse.

Has anyone ever given you roses?
I keep the thorns under my pillow as a reminder that all men are pricks.


If you were abandoned in the wilderness, would you survive?
I would, the wilderness wouldn't.

Who do you hate a lot?
Justin Bieber

Are you angry with someone right now?
Always

Do you tend to hold things against people?
My tits mostly.

Have you held hands with anybody in the last 4 days?
Yes with my doctor, at dinner. (( Being romantic..LIKE A BOSS.))

If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get
I will not defile my body. ( Except with dirty men.)

Do you have a secret that no one knows but you?
No, I'm a pretty open person.. (lmfao)

What's up with you and your number 2?
This ditch pig I know sent me a pic of a vag with a poop smear. ( very erotic.)
jesus, I wont be orgasiming for the next year. thanx.

Where do you wish you were right now?
Getting my pap smear.. * booked it for Friday, Cant wait!!*

Who are you gonna be with Friday night?
..if my appointment goes anything like it did last time...


Are you nice to everyone?
YES

Excited for anything?
Tomorrow is "throw oranges at sluts" day. So yeah, I'm stoked.

When you are out with your friends, are you loud and outgoing or shy?
I'm loud and outgoing..and prey on the shy.

Honestly, who are you texting?
Some perv I met at the Beach, and my therapist.

Do you have sex everyday?
Yes. Don't knock Masturbation ffs, At least its sex with someone I love.

Are you uncomfortable staring in to someones eyes who likes you?
Who the fuck would like me?

When someone catches your eye, do you try to make eye contact or avoid it?
STARE THEM DOWN.

Do you care if people smoke around you?
I'm always "smokin'" around them so..

Would you pretend to like something to please your partner?
Hell No, But I would pretend to hate something to piss him off.

Does it annoy you when someone says they’ll call, but never do?
One less motherfucking phone conversation that I have to pretend to give two shits about.

What's most important in a relationship: honesty or trust?
Neither. Lie and fuck whoever you want. The world is ending in 2012 after all.

Do you like flavored water?
Flavored with Vodka..?


Would you rather someone just listen to you, or try to give you advice?
If you don't know the answer to this one..then you might want to read back a few posts.

How many times have you cried in a person's arms?
a couple..just for shits and giggles.