Thursday, July 22, 2010

Apparently I *dont* understand

Really?? Reallllllllly??!!
Shut the fuck up..What exactly is there to understand exactly?
I get that you're a fucking moron. That's all the understanding you need sweet boy.

Go.fuck.yourself.

&& Don't tell me that you "know you're wrong" and that makes it ok.
Admitting you are wrong does not get you a "foot out of mouth" pass. So keep choking on it. ( Better that than your black roommates dick right?)


Just because you're an insensitive , lacking compassion piece of shit..doesn't mean I need to feel sorry for you because *you cant help the way you are* or accept the fact that you don't know how to treat people. ( Or animals for that matter ..who the fuck in their right mind eats their pet Rabbit when it dies??)

Somebody just needs to massage that boy's forehead with a brick. I mean, why doesn't he just lie down IN FRONT of the oncoming train?

So yes I was a super mega bitch, and yes you deserved it..and for that matter everyone else who sees that side of me deserves it as well.

It's such a nice feeling to watch you run away with you tail between your legs..
Amazing that you're able to maneuver so well..but not surprising really, since you don't have a fucking spine.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

You know what I hate about you?

"You" being a very broad spectrum of people..
but I do feel a rant coming on.

I hate that you fucking talk too much..you are so bloody fucking self centered and self righteous..and why???? You are an overweight piece of shit. If I have to listen to one more story about your lemon cheesecake and how it was a "hit" at last years "social"...I'll kill you..and burn your mother fucking recipe.

And why the hell are you so sensitive..How fucking annoying are you???? Hurting your feelings is like shooting fish in a barrel. I bet reading this hurt your feelings didn't go. Go cry a river, and drown yourself in it.

I hate your nose, your big ginormous..huge flaring omfg nostril nose.


And you.. oh you..who can type 60WPM..but can't seem to have the time to message back. How about this..how about I come over there..and take your fucking keyboard and smash that smile off your stupid know it all face..then I'll make Spaghetti in your kitchen and NOT clean up after myself.

I hate that you had to think 3 months..before deciding to get a blender. THREE FUCKING MONTHS. ...good luck getting a girlfriend..let alone laid.

And finally you... Stop trying to kill yourself, you're too much of a loser to succeed.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Stupid Fucking Pussy

On days like today..when I am completely bitchy ( More so than the usual and trust me..that's a whole fucking lot.) My cat really really pisses me off.

She is the biggest cunt..wrapped up in the tiniest furry package ever..and on days like today I hate her.

So I daydream about the possible ways she could meet her ultimate doom.

The first that comes to mind is pretty mild..
Simply just quietly sneaking up behind her with a pillow case scooping her up..going outside..and doing a couple really nice big lasso swings..shouting "hee fucking haw" on the top of my lungs..and letting her fly.

Or perhaps a more creative approach..
hog tieing her paws together, and then attaching a hefty garbage bag ( Heavy duty) to them all parachute style..and giving her the ole heave ho off the roof..and letting God take care of the rest.

She's pretty small..so I *might* be able to flush her down the toilet like a dead pet fish or hamster.

Or I can just "accidentally" throw her out with the next garbage day.( Or is she recyclable?)

Also a thought..I could sprinkle her with garlic and other random tasty spices..and leave her at Ming's Chinese Food ..I'm sure they would take her.

Exchanging her with my friends pet hamster has come to mind on a few occasions..
Just shoving her the fuck in the cage...Grabbing the hamster and pretending like nothing happened. ( Hamster will later be flushed)

Microwave..washing maching..dryer..food processor..buying a big hungry dog...

Oh the possibilities are endless.

But later I remember that although she is the biggest most annoying cunt ever..
What else could I expect..with me as her owner?

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Ap's Likes.

1. The word "Epic"

2. Edward Cullen ( because he's cold like me)

3. Melons. ( Take that as you will )

4. Black men ( HUGE fucking ..brains)

5. Asian men ( Cause small cocks need love too)

6. Blondes..who doesn't?

7. The phrase "I'm gunna busta cap in yo ass"

8. Karma , because its a bitch and so am I.

9. Sticking a piece of tape to a cat's foot.

10. Taking a shit while masturbating ( Kill two birds with one stone)

11. Chubbies thread on 4Chan.

12. Bachelor Frog

13. Naive People ( Especially when they happen to be drinking Evian)

14. Getting a kit cat, and not sharing it with anyone

15. Power Rangers

16. Standing next to my b/f when he is on the phone with work..Letting one massive fart rip..and then exclaiming.. "Oh that's SO gross,Fuck! Excuse yourself!" before he can say anything.

17. Texting random numbers to ask people their advice on which cereal I should get.

18. Excepting all friend requests on Facebook, just to delete them 2 hours later. ( WAC)

19. Roses

20. Impromptu Gangbangs

Your call is important to us..



Waiting on hold is one of the most annoying fucking things in the world. period.
As if wasting 20 mins of my fucking day with the phone pressed up against my ear..just to tell Shaw they have once again charged me for 3 Adult movies..when I clearly only ordered 2..isn't bad enough..but then you have to deal with the elevator music..interrupted every two mins..by some repetitive overly happy broad telling me that my call is important to them..and I MUST remain on the line to INSURE I wont lose my place.

Well FUCK YOU..If my call was REALLY important to you ... you would shut the fuck up..and play Top 40s. Are we really stupid enough that we need to be told to remain on the line? Isn't that part obvious? oh Fuck..you mean if I hang up now..I wont be able to talk to someone.. really? fuck you.

By the time someone actually answers the call..I'm usually completely oblivious that I have the phone to my ear..because Ive been waiting so fucking long and have zoned out entirely to Whitney Houston's "I will Always love you."

On a good day if I can quickly clear my head and remember what the fuck I called about, it is almost assumed that it is going to be some Asian Chick or Some East Indian Jerk off..that I can't understand. Apparently it's racist to ask to speak to someone who speaks real English..You know the "fancy kind" that I can actually fucking understand.

So basically waiting in any aspect for anything at all..SUCKS.
Anything that was "worth the wait" would be just as great if I got it when I fucking wanted it.
Which I should
Because I'm a Princess.
nuff said.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

I'll admit it I act like I'm 5 the majority of the time.
I slam doors, Don't share my toys, Talk way too much, pout when I don't get my way, Fuck I even wear my hair in pigtails..and above all else I don't play well with others.

And if you don't fucking like it. I'll just take my ball and go home.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Things I Hate (Part One)

1. Ants - Who fucking cares if they can lift 100 times their body weight. Hellllo people!? That's still very fucking unimpressive!!!

2.Double Penetration Porn

3. Huge Brown Nipples- National Geographic Style

4. Tuesdays- ( Because who fucking likes them?)

5. Pubic Hair- Nothing like finding a random one in your mouth!

6. Men who buy cars to compensate for their own lack of self worth.

7. Pineapples- I disagree about them being a food..obviously from the looks of them, they do NOT want to be fucking cut open and eaten.

8. Hedgehogs- Because they're just dangerous Hamsters

9. Hearing someone take a shit in a public washroom - What happened to courtesy flushing ffs?

10. Bambi- You're a DEER..your MOM was a deer. Hence why she was taken out in a bloody mess by a hunter. Get over it,grow a pair and stop talking to rabbits.

11. Valentine's Day- the urge to love is overwhelmingly annoying as fuck.

12. Cats- Specifically when they get shit stuck to their fur and drag it on the floor.

13. Fart Jokes

14. Positive Personalitys- Because they drag me up

15. Skinny Jeans- Worn by fat hoes. Accentuates the Gunt.

16. Mr. Clean- No one tells me how to clean my fucking floors

17. Chuck Norris- Hey asshole..the world actually revolves around me

18. Long Hair- Cut it bitch, you look like a horse

19. M&M's- Smarties retarded younger brother

20. Sushi- Because it's RAW people. NO different than taking a cow..chopping it up..wrapping it in some hay and going to town. Sick Japanese fucks.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

You are SO beautiful on the inside. ( Means you have a fugly face)

I hate how we live in a society where people think that they have to be nice to women, just because they're fat

Fuck that shit.

I've said before and I'll say it again. If you're a CUNT..I don't care if you are 100 pounds..or 500 pounds..I will treat you like a fucking CUNT. ( There is just more of you to treat, that's all)

Don't get me wrong I get it..you're pissed that you're fat. Not only is your food bill a hell of a lot higher then mine ((duh)) ..but you also use more body wash, more toilet paper and more makeup. So it's alright for you to be a touch bitter.

But if you are going to spend your day acting like a dirty C, don't expect me to be all kind and caring towards you just because your pants size is a 35..got it?

And while you're at it stop staring me down like a fucking KFC drumstick.
( Even though I definitely am ...finger lickin good.)

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Ya know what really grinds my gears???

Wireless Wankers

In AP terms, that is anyone who password protects their router.
Seriously? FUCK YOU. IF I want to steal your wireless to look at golden shower porn on a Thursday afternoon, then I fucking will.


Shopping Line Shuffle. ( Annoying past time for people of all ages!)

The average person will spend 2 to 3 mother fucking boring ass years waiting in line.
And you all are just making it worse.. why??? Because you keep changing LINES.
Just fucking wait.. the amount of time you spend changing lines not only is going to save you a year or so..but it will also keep you from looking like a fucking retard.

Unnecessary Abbreviations ( aka UA )

My newest annoyance is "ily" ...
Abbreviated form of "I love you"
ARE YOU FUCKING JOKING??????
People really are saying "Ily hun <3 "
Next will be "HHAY?" [Hi, how are you] and "WAC" [ What a cunt] ( Dibs on that one.)
In retrospect I don't love anyone ( Except Gordon Ramsey) so "ily" really doesn't apply to me...but OMFG!

Flatulent Behaviour

When did farting become so in?
It is not or ever will be cool to fart on my fucking bed!! I do not want your ass juice in the same vicinity as I lay my precious head..got it? and fuck..do not let one rip while we're having sushi together..that fucking dead shit smells bad enough on it's own.



Tuesday, June 1, 2010

A look at AP.

Ready for some hard truth twisting questions?
Bring it.


What was the longest time you've liked someone?
Define "Like" ..


Will this weekend be a good one?
Plans include : Bitching out my next door neighbour for playing Cher at 8am, Honking at random people on the highway and Pacman. So yes, definitely.

The last person that made you angry, did you tell them?
O_o >> What do you fucking think?

Is it hard to make you laugh?
God No. I have a lot of opportunity to laugh at the misfortune of a lot of people on a daily basis. It's a gift, really

Is there a guy that knows a lot about you?
There are A LOT of guys that THINK they know A LOT about me. NEWS FLASH: Knowing I'm gorgeous doesn't count asshole.

Do you have make-up on?
I'm a Princess ffs.

What's something your starting to realize?
Survival of the fittest means you just have to outrun your fat friend.

Are you the type of person who seeks out revenge?
I'm the type of person that makes revenge easy to seek out.

Do you have condoms in your room?
If "room" means every drawer in my house including one under the soap dish in the bathroom. Yes.

Have you ever kissed someone who's name started with N?
Yes my first black lover.

Have you argued with anyone in the past 24 hours?
I called my Mom a cunt for having me...but it wasn't an argument..she agreed that my statement was a valid one.

Last person to take off your shirt other than yourself?
My family doctor. I said if he wanted to give me a Breast Exam he was damn well going to do all the work. It was nice we went to dinner after.

Are you crushing on someone?
2 guys, 5 girls and a Horse.

Has anyone ever given you roses?
I keep the thorns under my pillow as a reminder that all men are pricks.


If you were abandoned in the wilderness, would you survive?
I would, the wilderness wouldn't.

Who do you hate a lot?
Justin Bieber

Are you angry with someone right now?
Always

Do you tend to hold things against people?
My tits mostly.

Have you held hands with anybody in the last 4 days?
Yes with my doctor, at dinner. (( Being romantic..LIKE A BOSS.))

If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get
I will not defile my body. ( Except with dirty men.)

Do you have a secret that no one knows but you?
No, I'm a pretty open person.. (lmfao)

What's up with you and your number 2?
This ditch pig I know sent me a pic of a vag with a poop smear. ( very erotic.)
jesus, I wont be orgasiming for the next year. thanx.

Where do you wish you were right now?
Getting my pap smear.. * booked it for Friday, Cant wait!!*

Who are you gonna be with Friday night?
..if my appointment goes anything like it did last time...


Are you nice to everyone?
YES

Excited for anything?
Tomorrow is "throw oranges at sluts" day. So yeah, I'm stoked.

When you are out with your friends, are you loud and outgoing or shy?
I'm loud and outgoing..and prey on the shy.

Honestly, who are you texting?
Some perv I met at the Beach, and my therapist.

Do you have sex everyday?
Yes. Don't knock Masturbation ffs, At least its sex with someone I love.

Are you uncomfortable staring in to someones eyes who likes you?
Who the fuck would like me?

When someone catches your eye, do you try to make eye contact or avoid it?
STARE THEM DOWN.

Do you care if people smoke around you?
I'm always "smokin'" around them so..

Would you pretend to like something to please your partner?
Hell No, But I would pretend to hate something to piss him off.

Does it annoy you when someone says they’ll call, but never do?
One less motherfucking phone conversation that I have to pretend to give two shits about.

What's most important in a relationship: honesty or trust?
Neither. Lie and fuck whoever you want. The world is ending in 2012 after all.

Do you like flavored water?
Flavored with Vodka..?


Would you rather someone just listen to you, or try to give you advice?
If you don't know the answer to this one..then you might want to read back a few posts.

How many times have you cried in a person's arms?
a couple..just for shits and giggles.

Monday, May 31, 2010

In this cup are all the tears,
he's ever made me cry

Pour them down his lying throat,
watch him choke and die

His death was not caused by me,
Because I'm a princess of course!

He didn't really choke on my tears,
But only on his own remorse


Friday, May 28, 2010

Do as I say..not as I do.

Advice.. what we all seek out from others..what we all give..and none of us ever follow.
So what the fuck is the point.

My mother gives the best advice that she never follows. EVER.
She sits on her fat ass sneaking Kit Kat bars behind a pillow while watching her third soap opera of the day..
She'll call me on the commercial and when I've voiced my concerns about losing weight, she will munch away happily and tell me that all I need to do is eat healthy and exercise.

Meanwhile she's getting close to the 300 pound mark..and the owner of Hershey's just keeps getting richer and richer. I don't mean to bash my mother..but holy fuck..stop eating the planet.

My boyfriend sighs when he sees me do any form of physical exertion. Like I've just personally insulted his fat ass or something.. like me doing sit ups on the living room floor..disgraces his entire being..although my personal favorite is his ADVICE for me to "push it" and "try harder" while he is sitting behind me on the couch eating Doritos and watching my ass bounce.

"It's annoying when you work out...but kinda hot too"

... O_o
Are you fucking kidding me??
What's annoying would be the fact that you don't support me, that you've gained 70 pounds since we've been together..and that your Doritos smell fucking good.



Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Take me for granted..I dare you.

Taking me for granted is probably the stupidest thing you could ever do.
( Even dumber than that time you tried to nail jello to the tree.)

I will email you, text you..stay up late to hear your troubles..offer my advice, my sympathy, my kindness..my hugs..my kisses..my words of encouragement ..my heart...everything..

Ignore me? Take me for granted? Act like you don't care whether I am in your life..Don't appreciate me? Fuck you then.

I'll disappear completely.

Little things at first.
You probably won't even notice or care.
Perhaps a lack of texts..or maybe I'm just not on msn as much as I used to be? The phone doesn't ring as often does it?..and where did my silly smile that you loved so much go?

Is it because I don't care?

NO ..it's because YOU don't fucking care. If YOU cared..you would of figured out..where the fuck I went..but you never did care did you???? You have no problem letting me go ..do you??..because you weren't holding on that tight to begin with.
I'm sick to death of people pretending they give two fucks about something..but then letting it slip away..like it's nothing.

You my dear, will one day look back..and remember me..and wonder what went wrong.
And then realize..it was you..

So go fuck yourself.
If I passed you by on the street and you were crying..I wouldn't even hear you. Just like you can't hear me.

I hate you for everything you are, and everything you made me want. For every lie you hand fed me, for every ounce of kindness you showed me,for holding my delicate heart in your palm and knowingly crushing it and for taking advantage of my naive believing ways. For every tear that streams down my cheek and for every tear I keep inside. I hate you. {I.Hate.You}

Kinda redefines bitter, doesn't it?

Monday, May 24, 2010

*push* Go Play in Traffic *push*

There are many people in my life that I would just love to give a swift kick in the ass to..preferably into oncoming traffic.

Let's focus on two of those said people, shall we.

One is an EX of a current good friend of mine. I will do this stupid cunt a favor and keep it anonymous..so let's call her "Melissa".
The other is a male reject from society..and soon to be rejected from my life as well.
Also I will do him a favor and call him "Joe"

Those favors..by the way..are the only ones I will be giving out in this rant.
Because they can both go fuck themselves.

Melissa seems to think that she can eat like a motherfucker..and be fat as fuck..but lose all her remaining weight by smoking, rampant diarrhea, and vomiting.
OMFG SO ATTRACTIVE. ( I'm pretty sure she will have to borrow the money to pay for the food she vomits up from her Mother..just sayin')

Joe seems to think that he can fuck with people like a champ and then retreat back into his lifestyle like it doesn't matter. No one would ever suspect that he uses people in the manner he does.For that he earns my *most secretly hated award* and a big.. FUCK YOU... Life is not a game.

In my fantasy I tie Joe up to my dining room chair..and leave him there to wither away to nothing.**Celine Dion playing in the background**

( I'll probably go for a run, grab a coffee and perhaps watch a re-run of Seinfeld in the meantime.)

I'm going to bring in a freshly vomited and starving Melissa to the picture.
Pour some BBQ sauce ( the good HP shit) all over Mr.Joe **See where I'm going with this?**

nomnomnomnomnom. MOAR nomnomnomnom.
♪ ♫ ♫...and never let go till were gone..... ♫ ♫ ♪

Melissa will get arrested..( because it's just not nice to eat people )
..however I WILL send her a blue "Super Kid" ribbon for helping a sista out.
I'm guessing she will be sentenced to live out the remaining years of her useless piece of shit life on a farm..*lots of space to run, and the spare barn can be used for her over sized clothing*

And Joe? Well he's gone.. so it will be so much easier for me to not give a fuck, about him not giving a fuck about me.
(( I think this is much more efficient than ignoring the loser on msn right?))

and his status..

Joe is dead. There will be no funeral just applause.

Angry Princess and 4765874654 others like this.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Thought for the Day.

Do you think..that I think its "cute" that you own so many issues of Maxim that the binds of the magazines make a nude slut????

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Badabababa *fa[s]t food*

"I don't like McDonalds"

Oh fuck you..you SO do.
I'm sick to fucking death of random peeps coming out with that statement.
Especially since it usually comes out like so..

"I don't like McDonalds..except their fries.."

Okay..I'm no genius..but that means you DO like Mcdonalds.
Regardless if you like their breakfast sandwiches, fries, fillet o fish..or staring at the cashiers young perky tits and acne...you LIKE it right?? So do me a favor and STFU.

I'm actually waiting for Mcdonalds to take salads and "grilled" shit off their menu..because if I wanted to eat something "healthy" ..Mcdonalds would be the last place I would go. Who the fuck is satisfied with those limp fucking salads..and cardboard grilled chicken anyways???? ( Tastes like a dry pussy in my humble opinion)

If I wanted something healthy I would eat some sushi..the fish eggs popping in my mouth and the subtle scent of salmon reminds me of my latest "rendezvous".


Friday, May 21, 2010

Honestly you DON'T want me to be honest. (okay? ok.)

Why are people so hyped up on being honest with each other??!! If you sit down and think about it, do you really want everyone to be honest with you?? Um no. Do you really want ME to be honest with you..hell.fucking.no
I am a complete and utter bitch..asking me to be honest with you will only result in expensive counselling sessions and trip to Costco to buy yet again another 24 pack of Kleenex.

Question:
Do I look fat in this? **No, you look lovely** ((LIE))

"Honest" Answer:
Yes, yes you most certainly fucking do. Think about it sweets, if you have to ask me if you look fat in it..you already fucking KNOW that you do. So take the motherfuckin' dress off..or love your chub.

Question:
Do you think she'll be mad? **Of course not, she'll understand** ((LIE))

"Honest" Answer:
Are you fucking kidding me??? If you have to ask if she's mad..trust me..SHE IS.
She's probably thinking of some sweet ass revenge while you're sitting here on your fat ass sulking.

Question:
I'm sure happy were friends, aren't you? **Yes, very much so.** ((LIE))

"Honest" Answer: We're Friends?

Question:
I think my boyfriend likes you better then me. **You're imagining things hun, you know he loves you more then anything.** ((LIE))

"Honest" Answer: I knew it!


And don't even get me started on the "male variety" of questions...
Which include "Wasn't that the best sex ever?" and "Isn't my dick big?!" and "You love sucking it don't you?" **Yes,Yes Yes!!** ((LIES)) .. "honest" answers (( No,Fuck No,Hell Fucking No. ))

So to sum it up people always want you to be honest with them on their terms.
Basically they want you to tell them "honestly" what THEY want to hear...and never what you "honestly" think.

And for me?
I personally like it when people lie to me.
No seriously I really fucking do.
Tell me I'm pretty, I'm amazing, My eyes are like liquid pools of turquoise and I that I have an ass that just wont quit.

And sure some of them MIGHT be true..but when it really really comes down to it.
Who the fuck cares what you say? Does it matter who thinks you're nice..or a slut, or a two faced cunt??? Does it matter if your next door neighbours ...sisters brothers aunts niece really thinks your the NICEST PERSON EVER???? Seriously..who gives a fuck.


I know what I am..
Do you know who you are?
If yes..go with it, and everyone else can fuck off. ( hey, it's working for me..)


Thursday, May 20, 2010

Do I care that you're FAT. ( um.no)

If you are FAT.. I honestly could care less. Eat whatever you want, Be a strong women, be curvy, do it for the HUGE tits or the floppy vag..I don't care..I really don't.

UNLESS..you feel the need to bitch about the fact that you are fat..while sitting on MY couch eating your third Twix bar and washing it down with a 2L of Mountain Dew.
Then yes..that will irritate the fuck out of me.

I'm all about being yourself..and finding yourself ( which is easier to do the bigger you are.)
And I think that women in all shapes and sizes are either beautiful or not. Being fat really has nothing to do with being pretty in my mind...and for personality.. I know smaller women who are just as big of cunts, as the huge women who are cunts and have huge cunts((obviously)). **Yes, I hate everyone equally.**

Now as you read this you probably are thinking..omfg she must be fat...
Actually the only thing that's huge on me is my ego..



..Caring is overrated..Seriously.
Take a lesson from me folks..if you find yourself caring too much..just sit back and think..WAPC??!! ( Would Angry Princess Care)
If you find yourself answering "hell no" ..then politely stop listening to whoever is talking, and think of things that you would like to purchase..or perhaps the next sexual position you would like to try. As long as you throw in a polite (mhm) now and then and a sympathetic (sigh).. followed by "Oh golly gosh, someone is on the other line..can I call you back later?" they'll never even notice.


Things I don't care about ( So don't talk about them with me.)

Your Relationship.
If you are doing well, if it is failing..if he beats you within an inch of your life on a daily basis. (Tell someone else. What the fuck am I supposed to do?)
I don't care if he bought you a flower with your name engraved on the petals and you are going to have sex underneath a waterfall tonight..or if she is 18 and you are 30..and "What do you think?" DON'T ASK..you do not want my opinion on things..I'm not nice..remember?
Jesus.

Speaking of Jesus. Religion.

I get it. Everyone wants to believe that their religion is going to Heaven..while the rest of everyone else goes to hell. This almighty wonderful God.. is apparently a fucking bully. If your an old Jewish pervert..sure come on in!! HOWEVER if you happen to be a blond haired blue eyed baby, who is Christian..Um no sorry..no room for you.
Shut the fuck up about your religion..I DO NOT CARE..and GOD DOESN'T EITHER ( I know..I've talked to him..we went golfing.)


Your Weight ( see above)

i suport publik edukayshun.( Grammar and shit.)
Fuck off.. STOP worrying about grammar. Seriously life isn't school..
Do you understand what I'm saying??? IF SO.. Then who gives a flying fuck if I put noone or ain't...or heaven forbid I put there..instead of their. (( another reason I won't be going to/two/too heaven I suppose.))

Drama.
I don't want to hear the story you promised so and so you wouldn't tell ok?
So if your story starts with.."Well I said I wouldn't tell anyone...." THEN DON'T.
Stop being a stupid cunt and keep your trap shut. Because guess what?? If you can't be trusted with her secrets, you sure as hell can't be trusted with mine.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

FriENDship. (( Get with the program or get the fuck out of my life.))

Firstly I'll start out by saying.. Girls as friends...ultimately suck ass. They are petty, annoying, nasty ass bitches..and OH SO JEALOUS. Yes Men might be a bit on the less sensitive side..also a bit dimmer..and not quite as attractive or fun to shop with. ( Gay friends excluded.) But all and all..they are much less drama.

From now on I think I will be handing out my list of rules to new and upcoming potential friends.. "Hi, I'm Brittany...Hi Brittany..listen before we even begin this..here is my list of rules." (( Will that be awkward? ))

AP's Rules for Friendship~ <3

1. If you are a cunt..we can still be friends. Just don't be one to me.

2. Who and what you fuck..and when you fuck it..doesn't matter to me..so don't make
my sex life or preference your concern either.

3. If you have a problem with ME..do me a favor..Don't talk about it with everyone in the whole fucking neighbourhood..talk to ME about it. (( this should be obvious but..?))

4. Agree with me a lot. I like that. ( Also I am almost never wrong. The few times I have been wrong..I have just changed the answer or solution to the problem..therefore making me right.)

5. Stop being jealous of me. Instead compliment me a lot..I like that.

6. I am the nicest, sweetest, most giving person you will have in your life. Don't take my kindness for a weakness though...or I will tear off your head and shove it up your ass ( while smiling.)

7. You must love Creme Eggs. If you don't.. choke them down, and pretend you do.

8. No! You can't borrow my hoodie. You will ruin it.

9. Never call me a bitch. ( Even if I'm being one.) Cunt is okay though.

10. After a 3 month trial period we will re evaluate our friendship and go from there.


...you know the more I think about it..the more I wonder if becoming a "social hermit" would be better for me? Sure I will still be social on Facebook..and msn.
But I'll stay at home rockin out some kick ass hello kitty pjs..and let the real world go fuck itself..while I thrive in my natural habitat. Fuck friendships, work, responsibilities, feeding the cat.. I'll just sit and polish my tiara.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Cunt has a nice RING to it.

My home phone rings..it's my friend..I look at the call display.. notice it's her..and set down the phone. I'm busy..in a pissed off mood and just want to be alone. ((I'll call her back)) Less then a minute later..my cell starts vibrating... I look at my phone..notice it's the same friend..set down the phone...slightly annoyed. (( I'll call her back later)) Two minutes after my computer makes the familar..doodoo!...Looks like I have a new message on msn..(( Guess who?! )) I open it and read. "Hey, How's it going I called you and no answer" Realize I should respond that I'm busy..but I'm even more annoyed and close the conversation box (( I might respond later.))
Wait what's that I hear? ...My phone alerts me that I have an SMS message from Facebook..
"So and So has written on your wall.. "Is everything okay I haven't heard from you all day." ...I close my phone..look at my watch it's 9:30 AM. I sigh deeply.
So I pick up the phone and return the call..
Literally on the phone for possibly 2 minutes before their second line beeps and I lose the battle of "Whose more important to keep on the line."

Seriously..what the fuck is wrong with people..
Last time I checked..just because I have a phone does NOT mean that I have to answer it..and stalking me until I finally cave and call you..is not only insanely creepy..but fucking wrong. What if I had to take a massive dump? What if I was napping? What if I just didn't give two fucks that you were calling me? ( Number one is most likely at 9:30am, fyi) So FUCK OFF, and stop calling me.



The Word Cunt. ( Can this profanity be more used than "fuck"? )

Cunt means a lot to me as a women.
I started using the word Cunt..about a year ago..just tossing it into random conversations here and there. "Omfg, that cunt keeps calling me." etc. ((see above))
I've literally desensitised it for myself..completely.
In fact..it's so bad..that I have to be careful to not just blurt out "Cunt" at the supermarket when I drop an orange..because the world just isn't ready for the word Cunt yet.
So this is my gift to you..
Use the word..if you're unsure just use it for a week. It's great. If your a male it makes you feel like a hard core bad ass, and if you're a women not only will you get a lot of respect from your guy pals..it will also make you feel empowered ( after all you are talking about your vagina! *Girl Power!!*) Be forewarned it's addicting. Keep in mind that a cunt can be many of things..( spouse, significant other, favorite pet or Grandmother)
Just go for it, and be creative.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Mean People Suck.

Mean People Suck
I'm mean..
Yet I'm fab.
Anything I say on here is validated, and if you don't think so. Fuck off and don't read.

Topic for today.. "Compassion"

www.dictionary.com describes compassion as

"a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering."

I'm sick and tired of the lack of compassion in my life.
I literally have spent way too much time and energy pouring love and kindess into certain people...to get nothing back.

So today is a new day..and I'm thinking. Fuck being nice. Mean people suck..but are they happier?
Yes..I'm guessing on a different level they are. Much happier then I.. Seriously going through all the hassle to be nice..time and time again.. only to have it ignored. (fuck.that)

Being compassionate and kind to those who return the favor..works for me.
Otherwise no.

So I'm going to be a selfish cunt ( yes I said cunt..and I'm a girl..get over it.)
and I'm going to show compassion towards myself.."alleviate the suffering" of one super pissed off angry princess..

how?

Simple. I just wont give a fuck about the people that don't give a fuck about me.