On days like today..when I am completely bitchy ( More so than the usual and trust me..that's a whole fucking lot.) My cat really really pisses me off.
She is the biggest cunt..wrapped up in the tiniest furry package ever..and on days like today I hate her.
So I daydream about the possible ways she could meet her ultimate doom.
The first that comes to mind is pretty mild..
Simply just quietly sneaking up behind her with a pillow case scooping her up..going outside..and doing a couple really nice big lasso swings..shouting "hee fucking haw" on the top of my lungs..and letting her fly.
Or perhaps a more creative approach..
hog tieing her paws together, and then attaching a hefty garbage bag ( Heavy duty) to them all parachute style..and giving her the ole heave ho off the roof..and letting God take care of the rest.
She's pretty small..so I *might* be able to flush her down the toilet like a dead pet fish or hamster.
Or I can just "accidentally" throw her out with the next garbage day.( Or is she recyclable?)
Also a thought..I could sprinkle her with garlic and other random tasty spices..and leave her at Ming's Chinese Food ..I'm sure they would take her.
Exchanging her with my friends pet hamster has come to mind on a few occasions..
Just shoving her the fuck in the cage...Grabbing the hamster and pretending like nothing happened. ( Hamster will later be flushed)
Microwave..washing maching..dryer..food processor..buying a big hungry dog...
Oh the possibilities are endless.
But later I remember that although she is the biggest most annoying cunt ever..
What else could I expect..with me as her owner?
Thursday, June 17, 2010
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